Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
