we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
