Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
