she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
