just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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