I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
