shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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