The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
