if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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