Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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