so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
