I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
