Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
