i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
