the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
