yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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