so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
