I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
