The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
