Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
