can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i now understand why vodka
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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