Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
