People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
