dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
