god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
