So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
