Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
