so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
