Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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