Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
