Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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