i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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