You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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