Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
