just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize