You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
