Im at strip club and am horny
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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