Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
