Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
