good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
