What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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