the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
