I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
