Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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