What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
