I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
