u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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