I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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