My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize