i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
