Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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