There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
