last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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