I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
