i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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