you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
