You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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