I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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