My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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