apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
