I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
time to smoke my breakfast
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
