Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
