I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
