the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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