so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
