i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
