she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
