i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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