4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
