My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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