...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
