Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
