Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I could fuck to npr.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
