having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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