he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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