I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize