I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
