bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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