im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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