Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
